Hopscotch

I wake at just before 7am. I stay in bed while images of life dance around in my head. I linger in a state of mental hopscotch. One seemingly unrelated thought tap dances on top of the next. It also reminds me of the moment in which you have first taken a look at the cards you’ve been dealt, at first it’s all about sorting. These things go together… these things do not.

I get up and make some defullofnothingcaf, although this stuff is not entirely pure. Lately I’ve been making real coffee to help push out my brain lethargy and when I grind the coffee beans there is inevitably some freshly ground coffee left over, which I then toss merrily in with the decaf coffee to spice things up a bit.

The day outside my window is gloomy but thank God it’s Saturday. There are so many things around the house that I’ve neglected, so many things that need to be attended to. I will slowly start taking care of things again. I should not wallow in my grief, yet at the same time I can acknowledge that I am going through a process that has its own deep inner logic. I am doing my best to honor it, to stay present and conscious about what I need to do in order to heal the best I can from this loss.

I have come to a place of wider perspective; I finally know what the organizing principle of my life has always been and always will be. It’s really very simple…

Just to love
And to be loved in return

That’s the whole thing. The singing, the teaching, the writing, the relationships, the friendships, the dogs…it was always that simple…just to love, and be loved in return, everything else has just been smoke and mirrors. Here’s to the real thing.

And so a new day begins…