April 2004 Archives

My friend Alexandre and I were in New York City for an historic moment in time; the QE2 and QM2 were both tied up at the New York ocean liner terminal this weekend for a one time only appearance. I had to be there.

The QE2 has had a special place in my heart since I sailed to Europe on her in the summer of 1978. Since then I have seen her in the US Virgin Islands on several occasions. To see the new Queen Mary 2, the largest Ocean liner ever built side by side with the Queen Elizabeth 2 was breathtaking. Despite the damp and miserable rainy day, and the long drive to New York, it was all worth it.

While in New York I joined AFTRA, the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, because I wanted to and because I was permitted to. On Monday morning, I walked into the AFTRA offices located at 260 Madison Ave. and plunked down my credit card, paid my dues, and ten minutes later I was an AFTRA member. ACTRA, the Canadian version of AFTRA, has prevented me from working in Canada on an equal footing with its members for almost a quarter of a century. Welcome to Canada, the clean, the good, the politically correct, where organized, regulated discrimination is alive and well.

“If you’re a US Citizen, what are you doing here?” I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times, usually by Canadian performers desperately wanting to work in New York or L.A. “What are you crazy?” is what they are really asking. The whole thing has a blurting quality, almost like vomiting. They can’t help themselves. It is clear to them…as a performer I would have to be insane to stay in Canada if I had the option to live in New York or L.A….or even Nashville for-christ-sake!

It’s a long story I tell them…but it’s getting shorter by the moment. Finally I am asking myself the same thing: What am I doing here?

I wake with all kinds of unpleasant irrelevancies popping around in my head: Dreams. I used to analyze them and write them down in an attempt to figure out what went wrong. Unfortunately, analysis doesn’t always lead a person out of the woods and sometimes only further into them. Speaking of “Into the Woods”…

Stephen calls from the living room, “Bernadette Peters is on…in full costume.”

Translation: On NBC’s morning “The Today Show”, Bernadette Peters is about to perform a song from “Gypsy”. She is currently playing Rose, the most driven stage mother in history, in the Broadway revival. She is in costume from the show and she will now belt out “Everything’s Coming up Roses” in which she will clearly demonstrate beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing could be further from the truth.

Well, let me see here, what gives?

From the first note to the eye-watering last, it can only be described as every “professional” singer’s worst nightmare. Actually, what it amounts to is a devastating and incomprehensible display of mind-over-matter. Her larynx is in near lockdown. Nothing wants to happen without extreme exertion. There is not a muscle in her body that desires to move, let alone move in this manner. Still, she forcefully rams megawatts of adrenalin, oxygen and glycogen through her veins, blasting her tiny throat and mouth open, bringing to a brilliant fruition a new level of artistic self-annihilation. Like the Hindenburg, she bursts into flames before our eyes. “Oh the humanity!”

On closer inspection we see an eight-shows-a-week-battle-weary-entertainer, a victim of contractual and psychological obligations, blasting herself to smithereens in front of the cameras by the force of her own inner Liza Minnelli; and all this before 8:30am EST.

What is wrong with this picture? The facts speak for themselves: Everything is not coming up roses, no matter how loudly or hoarsely Bernadette Peters incessantly screams at us through our televisions; not for you, not for me, not for America, not for Iraq and not for Easter. She knows it and so does her audience. And no one is fooled. We live in harsh times.

Stephen says, “She’s been doing the show for months now!”

No wonder I feel so exhausted.