Sooner or Later

I wake at 7am on the dot. The sun streams into the bedroom from two windows. It is cheerful to the point of annoyance. I am mournful and drained and this cheerfulness is in my face like a wet blanket. I will have to adjust.

If there is one thing that comforts me right now it is the knowledge that I did everything possible to save Willi’s life and when all hope was gone, and I mean all hope, I was able to have my pet fall asleep in the comfort of his home, supported by the people who loved him and took care of him on a daily basis. I couldn’t have hoped for more in that regard.

Now we face this emptiness in our home which will eventually be filled in with parts of ourselves and others, but still it’s a transition. And then there are those moments when we have forgotten all about it and our denial catches us by surprise. Yesterday, at my mother’s house, as I approached her front door to drop off a pair of sun glasses, for a moment I expected Willi to greet me as he so often did when he stayed at my parents house. Funny how the mind plays tricks on us, how we don’t believe even though we know the facts.

The facts are grim.

Today is Monday, as good a day as any to make an effort at living a normal life again. I will go to work; I will catch up after two weeks of falling behind. I will remember the love that Willi brought into all our lives, and take that love with me as I go through the day. I will do my best to be gentle with myself and others during these strange and empty days. I know they won’t stay empty forever, and I can take comfort from the fact that Willi is finally safe from harm. As for the cheerful sunshine, I am going to have to start taking it in sooner or later.

And so a new day begins…