Up until the last moment I was running around doing my Christmas shopping. Every year I ask myself, why do I do this? Hypnosis? Habit? Brain Washing? It’s colorful and I like colors? Ya. This year I felt more stressed and removed from it than usual, as if looking into someone else’s window. Who lives here? I don’t know this person do I? Nope.
Stephen is in New Jersey with his family, so I miss him.
Gifts were bought, gifts were wrapped, food was prepared and eaten, pictures taken, gifts exchanged and unwrapped. More pictures were taken. I should be grateful, I should be counting my blessings...I know, but it all feels as if I am counting someone else’s blessings...whose life is this? Mine?
And there are so many people missing.
I miss my Dad...Christmas number three without him. It doesn’t get any easier does it? In fact, it gets harder, more permanent year after year. I sometimes feel as if...OK, this business trip he’s on has lasted long enough ...it‘s about time he came home now. I guess this is denial. I need a hug, but he is never coming home; I will never see my Dad again. Only in images from the past. And this is supposed to lessen over time right? So far I still find it entirely incomprehensible.
So this is Christmas? Very interesting. Merry Christmas then, and whatever else blows your shirt up.
And so a new day begins...
I know what you mean. I just feel terrible this Christmas. Even being thinner doesn't make me feel better. Christmas number 6 without my Dad.
I know I should be grateful for what I have too, but I don't feel it. I don't want to be around some people and I don't want to be alone either. Find a solution for that.
So many people feel this way this year. I don't know if it is because of all the commercialism and having it crammed down our throats or what. Too much stress? Too much obligation? I don't know. But one thing you said jumped out at me .... you said you would never see your father again. I'm not too sure about that ......
there has to be more than this ... otherwise, there is no purpose ... and there is a purpose for all things ... even the bad stuff -- how else would we recognize the good stuff? Anyway ... it's something to chew on. :)
Merry Day After Christmas, Mark. :)
HI MARK,
I JUST READ YOUR WEB SITE FOR THE FIRST TIME. WOW! I'M BLOWN AWAY! I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU ABOUT YOUR FATHER. I COULD ONLY IMAGINE HOW YOU FEEL. TO KNOW THAT YOU COULD NEVER GET A HUG AGAIN--THAT TOUCHED A CHORD IN ME...I HOPE IT GETS EASIER BUT SOMEHOW I THINK ONLY THE PAIN GETS DULLER BUT THE EMOTIONS NEVER DO... LOVE SHAD.