Time is speeding by again. Sometimes, these days, I get a feeling where I become aware that I am only in this body of mine temporarily. It’s as if my body is a car; I am driving through life in it, only my body doesn’t have a seatbelt with which I can secure myself. It feels a bit iffy sometimes, like I might take a turn too quickly and come flying loose, at which point I will be unable to get back into my body. What would that be like?
I once had a dream in which I had a sore throat. In order to get to the heart of the matter, I cut my own head off so I could get a much better look. After looking and poking around in my own throat, which was after all still attached to my head, I was satisfied that all was basically in order, at which point I became horrifyingly aware of my dilemma: how does one get one’s own head back on after one has cut it off? As I did the math, I realized fully the gravity of what I had done, and found myself to be way in over my head. Any Freudians out there that would like to take a stab at this one go right ahead. Talk about losing ones head. Yikes. It was an extremely unpleasant thing, from which I woke up in terror.
Stephen and I had dinner with friends last night at Gio Rana’s Really Really Nice Restaurant, 1220 Queen Street East which is practically out by the beach. After squeezing through a somewhat packed entrance way, we were served drinks at the bar by a fellow named Gary who used to work with Wilson at Johnny K’s. He acted as if he did not recognize me and I followed suite; some wars, some plagues are better left unmentioned, unremembered, and the survivors unrecognized. All the ingenious “un” words spring to mind.
The music was very good but inappropriately loud which always makes conversation awkward at best. It took forever to be seated, took even longer for the food to come, but people were drinking and laughing and having a party. At one point two wine glasses, freshly filled with red wine were toppled and flowed rather niftily all around the table. Whoops! It was getting late and absolutely no one was getting any younger.
I quit drinking last winter so naturally I become the instant designated driver. But it’s all in good fun really. It’s a nice feeling to leaving a restaurant at 11:45pm with my wits about me, knowing that when I get behind the wheel of my car, there is not the slightest doubt in my mind…should I be driving? I find drinking complicates everything exponentially, and it often makes one somewhat less interesting and charming than one might otherwise believe oneself to be. In my case drinking always loosened my connection to my body, which, as I mentioned earlier feels overly loose-fitting as it is.
My throat is a bit sore this morning from having to scream over the music at Gio Rama’s Really Really Nice Restaurant. I am getting old. I don’t like to have to scream at people who are sitting one and a half feet away from me in order to be understood. But for some reason this is the trend these days. It used to be called dinner conversation, not dinner screaming. Also, I get the distinct feeling that half of everything that is said under such conditions is actually not understood. Occasionally one finds oneself pleasantly nodding in agreement despite the fact that one has really not the faintest idea.
Perhaps this is the reason that half the people sitting at the table next to us got up in a sudden huff and stormed out, leaving the other half of their party and three newly served up entrée’s somewhat stunned and bewildered. The uneaten entrée’s were later retrieved and pitched, while the people from this unfortunate tribe congealed and huddled outside the restaurant window in the cold for more than an hour, still trying to make sense out of their sudden eruption. Perhaps had the music been a tad less loud, they might have actually heard each other more accurately, and consequently been able to keep from coming entirely unglued.
Daylight savings has come to an end, and so in a small way this is a long weekend, and in my opinion weekends can never be long enough.
And so the day begins…sober and decidedly more relaxed about it.
I can relate, especially to being sober around people who are intoxicated. I find that I end up becoming their parent. They don't seem to understand why you are not partaking and it seems to make them uneasy and sometimes paranoid.
Do you think that you are better than them? Then why don't you participate in their pagan ritual? A drink, or ten. A toke to prove that you are part of the social group passing from member to member the burning symbol of friendship. The modern peace pipe.
They mistrust you for not participating, however at the end of the event you are the one that they entrust their lives to. To drive their vehicles. Not only are you the trusted one now, you are the one that allowed them to completely throw caution to the wind and overindulge in their mind numbing substances, safe in the knowledge that you will be there to ensure their guaranteed return home.
Jake, thanks for your comments. I think we are all stumbling down the same path, drunk, sober and every permutation. In the end, the only question that matters is, "Is it working for you?" If so, keep drinking, if not then what’s your excuse?
I simply think that not drinking works better for me. I've tried both and I realize that I am a person who does better when I keep things simple. Drinking added too much complexity into an already overly complicated existence. I need to keep my wits about me.
Not drinking works for me but I certainly have not quit. I have every intention of drinking again. When I am utterly satisfied that I have lived the life I wanted to live, I will drink again. When I have felt every emotion I was designed to feel and know that I am not blocking anything out, I will drink again. When I have amassed so much wealth that I can give most if it away to charity, I will drink again. When I am utterly sure that I have reached my potential, helped others reach theirs, and lived knowing that I could die tomorrow and I wouldn't have missed a thing...then I will drink again. When the world no longer needs sober, clear thinking and feeling, I will gladly, most happily have an occasional drink. In fact at that point I think I would like to drink red wine and own a vineyard.
Doesn't sound like I'll be drinking any time soon does it?
I am glad to hear that you are still the designated driver. George is in better hands because of it.
Oh dear. It's in print. Do you have any idea how much pressure this puts me under? ;-) Note the winking facey thingy... But seriously, the issue of sobriety has been coming up more and more frequently for me. As for you, thatmark, I know you will have your success, and I admire your for your determination and strength.