August 2002 Archives

I had to start again. The first thing I wrote was scathing...interesting for me, but not so interesting for you I am afraid.

My sinus thing continues...too much air conditioning in my face all summer long.

Ah, the long weekend is upon us. And what do I feel like doing? Working in my studio...working on the website. Yes.

Jann Arden thinks she is being weird in her latest column, August 26, 2002...but I think she is once again dead on the money. Check out her journal...I hope you love it as much as I do. She's wonderfully honest.

I have not been able to get to making some actual music all week. Now I feel so far away from it again...what will it take to jump start the whole thing. The songwriting thing is still blocked. No interest. Years of having been ignored by the music industry will do things to your creative outflow. There are all kinds of excuses...but perhaps the best one is...I just don't know what to write about. Plus I already have so many songs in the can just sitting there. How many unpublished songs does a songwriter need or want before they have enough? I think it's about 126 songs...that's enough.

One of the things I want to do with this website is strongly endorse other artists I have faith in. Perhaps you will enjoy my recommendations. I have been listening to Rufus Wainwright for the past three weeks. The song that keeps me coming back for more is "Poses", the title track of the CD. Check out his website...it's all flashed up.

I did go from wanting to be someone
Now I'm drunk and wearing flip-flops on Fifth Avenue

Ruffus, do I even know what you are talking about here...If not literally then at least figuratively. What a great writer you are!

Not that it means much, but I was born in a hospital on 5th Ave. So I came into the world where Rufus wears his flip-flops, and all I really want is an apartment overlooking the Park where I was born. Near the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Is that just too much to ask?

Well, the long weekend begins now...lot's of chores around the house to get going on. Weeee.

So a new day begins...and let's just see what happens next shall we?

I had a hell of a night. Willi was restless again. All night long he repeatedly jumped on and off the bed. He just couldn't seem to get comfortable. I even took him for a late evening walk before calling it a night just to make sure that he had done all his business. But at 4am he was staring me down. My dog can actually wake me up with a stare and a few well timed jumps on and off the bed.

Oh my...late this morning. And I am hungry. Never eat pizza. Of course I know this but I still, on the rare occasion do things I know I should not...Just testing! Like knowing that I shouldn't smoke cigarettes, so I've been pretty good for the most part. But then some one will have a cigarette handy, and I can't resist it. It's like meeting an old dear friend. There are old dear friends that are toxic, cigarettes are a good example; infinitely better in theory than in practice, but sometimes you need to test it again.

I scribbled through my morning writing in twenty-two minutes. It used to take me forty-five minutes, but now I am in a hurry to get to this column. I've been irritated by some sort of sinus headache these past few days; too much air conditioning in the face while driving or something.

Off to the lawyers this morning...you've got to love lawyers. I love their offices; they always have the best offices. Our lawyer's offices over look Lake Ontario, but then they do this strange thing...they block the view with a wooden grid that has rectangular holes in it. You can look through it but you have to go right up to the window to really see the view. Strange...a beautiful view but obscured. I wonder what the metaphor behind this little peculiar touch of interior decorating is. Fortunately, in the boardrooms they have not made the same mistake. Why am I telling you about this?

The record industry just released a report that says their sales are down 7% in the first part of this year. Their study blames illegal downloads as the cause of this rather steep decline. Well, I've been saying for several years now that the cat is out of the bag. Anyone with half a brain can tell the record industry that the party is really over. The controls are off and they can't put them back on.

Sorry the internet had to happen. Sooooorrrrrry!

The record industry is a dying, but downloads are not entirely to blame. The noise that the record industry has been shoving into our brains for the past few years scarcely would have been even considered music a few decades ago. Of course there is still good new music. thanks to the artists, it's just harder to find it in the current sea of mega hype and noise that the big five have been serving up.

My studio is a wee bit of a mess this morning but the sun outside the window is helping me get started. Moving my studio into this front bedroom was the smartest thing I have ever done since the last time I moved it here. It's a long story, all you have to know is that it began and ended in the same location over a period of three years.

I've had several studios. Only two had decent windows that looked into the world. Let me make a recommendation...If you are an artist of any sort, let me say that the most basic piece of equipment in your studio is a good window. I am not talking about windows that face other walls or basement windows that look into metal holes in the ground. I am talking about windows that have a wee bit of something in them...preferably some sky.

Just ten short years ago, what I am doing right now would have been impossible. I am writing my thoughts down and in minutes you will be able to read them. There is nothing and no one standing between you and I. If I want to I can tell you just what a piece of shit my relatively new, one year old Volkswagen Jetta really is. I can tell you all about the rattle in the driver side door that is driving me mental and makes me hostile every time I hear it. Queensway Volkswagen, the supposedly wonderful award-winning dealership I bought the car from can't seem to fix this annoyance.

Hey, what do you want, a brand new Jetta that doesn't rattle? Isn't that too much to ask for?

This morning I am late coming to my writing. My morning pages were three pages of absolute chaos. I have learned that this chaos is actually the state of wild creative energy entirely devoid of any structure. Open the gate...flood the page with chaos...then when you have something to say to someone, when you have a message about something, this same energy, this same chaos flows down a pathway of meaning and organizes itself quite under its own volition.

There are voices in our heads. I know you have yours and I have mine and sometimes they make us wonder. Who the heck are these people in my head and what business do they have getting off on my floor? I didn't invite them...they just show up.

"You will never get the recognition you mistakenly believe you deserve."

"Who do you think you are?"

I wake at five thirty AM. What gives? I am turning around the events of the day in my mind before they have even happened.

After giving it a lot of thought, I finally have come to the conclusion that I need at least three days in my studio each week to keep my connection to creating music strong and moving forward. I'm thinking Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday or Sunday. Tuesday's session (session # 1) went extremely well and made me happier than I have been in months. Take a hint Mark...you should work in your studio...daaaaah.

After 3 years...I finally had a decent, all day long, into the night recording session in my studio. Oh the good old days. When you don't have time to work on your art...steal it. I am now into stealing in a big way. When in doubt, steal it.

I am not advocating theft or kleptomania...believe me. I am advocating total focus. I need days to work on my music or else I will go slowly insane and we certainly don't want that now do we?

So, Monday...Ya. Weekends are short. But I have some ideas about how to make them longer or at least seem longer. But then again not everyone wants to install a hard disk on the weekend. Never mind.

I just finished writing my morning pages. Morning pages are three pages of writing by hand about absolutely anything. This tidy little invention is the brain child of Julia Cameron, the well known teacher and author of "The Artist's Way". She teaches people how to unblock. If you have never felt blocked in your creativity...or you don't give a rats ass about it one way or the other, this is a real good time to turn on the "Price Is Right" and call it a day.

I need to make a list of people I want to write letters to. There are so many people in my thoughts this morning. If it's like this at my age, then what will it be like in another forty years or so? I will indeed be large and contain multitudes. (Walt Whitman, Song of Myself)

I suddenly find myself thinking of you, my dear reader.

This morning...overcast again. Just around the edges, ever so slightly, there is a feeling of September. The days are shorter, and my morning writing is done in partial darkness.

I have started exercising again. My week off weigh training turned into almost three weeks without batting an eye. But yesterday I began again. I'm beginning to think that it's all about beginning again.